First off, I just want to say, the stories of my life I share are to give hope....
Many of us are familiar w/ Raggedy Ann, but we're unfamiliar w/ the story of how she began. Did you know it all started when a little girl, Marcella, brought her daddy an old hand-made rag doll and he drew a face on it. From his bookshelf, he pulled a book of poems by James Whitcomb Riley, and combined the names of two poems, "The Raggedy Man" and "Little Orphan Annie." He said, "Why don’t we call her Raggedy Ann?" Marcella died at age 13 after being vaccinated at school for smallpox without her parents' consent. Authorities blamed a heart defect, but her parents blamed the vaccination. Gruelle became an opponent of vaccination, and the Raggedy Ann doll was used as a symbol by the anti-vaccination movement. (From Wikipedia) Interesting story, huh?
Well, we all have a story. You see, I felt like a Raggedy Ann doll at times in my life. We can All relate. We have all felt alone, ugly, empty, ignored or abandoned at some point. You know how they say 1 out of every 4 girls are sexually abused. Well, I fit the statistic. I was one of the 4. I had so many questions. It didn't make sense. I was raised in the church. Invited Jesus to live in my heart at the age of 7. Why? Why would God allow this to happen to a 7 year old girl? Then again at the age of 11? Then again at 16(date rape)? I was confused. If he Really loved me....I mean if he Really loved me...Why?
As I grew up, I tried to ignore the pain, pushing it deeper & deeper not realizing God wanted to take it away. But, because of the shame, I didn't know where to turn. Yes, I had incredible experiences in church & in prayer. Unfortunately, though, I was ignoring a sore festering inside of me. I truly can say, I felt worthless. My value was stolen from me. I truly felt like a rag doll. Just a stuffed doll...I was numb. The numbness turned into rebellion & rebellion into getting kicked out of my house.
Becoming independent at 18, I thought I had everything figured out. I was on the run. On the run from God, from my parents, from everything I loved. Then, reality set in. Life was hard...and I had been decieved. Thinking I had everything figured out?? Yeah right! Not to mention, everything I thought was true, was a lie...Counterfiet. I had somehow become disillusioned. God wasn't enough, family wasn't enough....I needed more...independence, my way was better, my friends were more important, being pretty would make me complete, having a boyfriend would make me happy....whatever!!! One day, reality set in....these things were counterfiet....lies.
I remember it as if it were yesterday. My misery turned into desperation. I fell on my knees in my little apartment & cried out to God. I am so sorry, God....please...forgive me....I am so sorry!!! In that moment, God's love filled that little room. I had never felt so much love.....this was the beginning of my healing. That day I laid my brokeness at the feet of Jesus. I didn't want to carry that pain anymore. He had carried it for me...He had made a way for me to walk in wholeness. I had experienced his presence at a young age, but I never understood how much he loved me. That those things that happened to me weren't in his plan for me. They were choices made by sinners. I was reminded, just as I had chosen to live a certain way, those people had chosen to abuse me. God had a plan for me.....he has shown me there is power in brokeness...power in forgiveness.
Many of us are familiar w/ Raggedy Ann, but we're unfamiliar w/ the story of how she began. Did you know it all started when a little girl, Marcella, brought her daddy an old hand-made rag doll and he drew a face on it. From his bookshelf, he pulled a book of poems by James Whitcomb Riley, and combined the names of two poems, "The Raggedy Man" and "Little Orphan Annie." He said, "Why don’t we call her Raggedy Ann?" Marcella died at age 13 after being vaccinated at school for smallpox without her parents' consent. Authorities blamed a heart defect, but her parents blamed the vaccination. Gruelle became an opponent of vaccination, and the Raggedy Ann doll was used as a symbol by the anti-vaccination movement. (From Wikipedia) Interesting story, huh?
Well, we all have a story. You see, I felt like a Raggedy Ann doll at times in my life. We can All relate. We have all felt alone, ugly, empty, ignored or abandoned at some point. You know how they say 1 out of every 4 girls are sexually abused. Well, I fit the statistic. I was one of the 4. I had so many questions. It didn't make sense. I was raised in the church. Invited Jesus to live in my heart at the age of 7. Why? Why would God allow this to happen to a 7 year old girl? Then again at the age of 11? Then again at 16(date rape)? I was confused. If he Really loved me....I mean if he Really loved me...Why?
As I grew up, I tried to ignore the pain, pushing it deeper & deeper not realizing God wanted to take it away. But, because of the shame, I didn't know where to turn. Yes, I had incredible experiences in church & in prayer. Unfortunately, though, I was ignoring a sore festering inside of me. I truly can say, I felt worthless. My value was stolen from me. I truly felt like a rag doll. Just a stuffed doll...I was numb. The numbness turned into rebellion & rebellion into getting kicked out of my house.
Becoming independent at 18, I thought I had everything figured out. I was on the run. On the run from God, from my parents, from everything I loved. Then, reality set in. Life was hard...and I had been decieved. Thinking I had everything figured out?? Yeah right! Not to mention, everything I thought was true, was a lie...Counterfiet. I had somehow become disillusioned. God wasn't enough, family wasn't enough....I needed more...independence, my way was better, my friends were more important, being pretty would make me complete, having a boyfriend would make me happy....whatever!!! One day, reality set in....these things were counterfiet....lies.
I remember it as if it were yesterday. My misery turned into desperation. I fell on my knees in my little apartment & cried out to God. I am so sorry, God....please...forgive me....I am so sorry!!! In that moment, God's love filled that little room. I had never felt so much love.....this was the beginning of my healing. That day I laid my brokeness at the feet of Jesus. I didn't want to carry that pain anymore. He had carried it for me...He had made a way for me to walk in wholeness. I had experienced his presence at a young age, but I never understood how much he loved me. That those things that happened to me weren't in his plan for me. They were choices made by sinners. I was reminded, just as I had chosen to live a certain way, those people had chosen to abuse me. God had a plan for me.....he has shown me there is power in brokeness...power in forgiveness.
You are an amazing woman!!! You are of more value to me than life itself. I praise God for the awesome work He has done in you and through you.
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