The Power in Forgiveness

What happens when a wounded heart forgives.......?

It's just a part of life. People hurt people. It's funny how so many times we'll blame God. Why God? Why did you do this to me? I'm sure God's wondering why we don't see the truth. No, probably not, considering he already knows the truth. The reality is, people hurt people, not God. And sometimes we hurt ourselves. I know I have made poor decisions in my life that brought me pain. I've also made decisions that brought other's pain. How many of us have told lies? How many of us have said something mean? How many of us have been selfish? We all are guilty in some way. Why can't we just admit the truth? It's hard I know, but it will set you free.

I told you in my first blog about some pain I was carrying around. Pain that wouldn't go away. Not until I acknowledged it was there & then I had to release that pain. I literally said out loud, I lay this at your feet, God...I will no longer hold on to this! I can honestly say my healing came
when I forgave.

You see, I was angry at those men for violating me. Angry as hell. How could they do that to a little girl....those sickoes. And these men weren't strangers to me. I was also angry at my parents, why didn't they protect me? I was angry w/ God....why didn't he stop them? I had allowed bitterness to take it's root in my heart. And the loved ones in my life were paying the price.

I'm not going to tell you this was easy, but I did forgive those men. And I realized it was free will that gave them the Right to violate me. And it was my free will to be bitter. I also realized my parents weren't super heroes. They were human too & they had no idea what those things were going on. No idea! And God, he wasn't to be blamed. He loved me....he would never want those terrible things to happen to his daughter!

The healing process didn't happen over night. It was a period of many nights. That first day in my apartment when I cried out to God.....that was the just the beginning of my wounded heart
being healed.

You see, that day I experienced true forgiveness. In all my ugliness & filth God reached down from heaven w/ the power of his love & touched my life. I began to see clearly.....the disillusionment was no longer. That forgiveness I experienced that day would be the same forgiveness I would have for those men.

God showed me 'true forgiveness'. It says in John 3:16-17, 16"For God So Loved the Whole world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

God So loved the Whole world & gave his greatest gift to us...His own Son, Jesus. He didn't just do this for me, but for everyone. I realized that I was a sinner just like these men....I committed different sins, but still, I was in need of a Savior. They need a Savior too. When I saw how much God loved me....I could clearly see how much he loved them. How could I not forgive them. God being Perfect has forgiven me for All of my sins. I choose to Forgive. There is power in Forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't put bandaids on wounds, it heals them. Because the Love of God covers a multitude of sins. The love of God is a power to be reckoned with. His love Transforms. This is how a wounded heart forgives....because it is forgiven also.

Acts 10:39-44 says,
39"We are witnesses of everything he did in the country of the Jews and in Jerusalem. They killed him by hanging him on a tree, 40but God raised him from the dead on the third day and caused him to be seen. 41He was not seen by all the people, but by witnesses whom God had already chosen—by us who ate and drank with him after he rose from the dead. 42He commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that he is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead. 43All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name."
44While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message.

Waking up to my 5 Hungry Children

My Five Children: Christian-11, Grace-8, Elise-7, Ian-3, & Ezra-6 months

So, I wake up to hungry children this morning. "Mom, there's no cereal, there's no oatmeal, there's no syrup for pancakes.....". Remember I mentioned it's the time of the month for me? This made for a great start to my day!! At first, I wanted to tell them all to deal w/ it. I know,I know that's not what a good mom would say! And I didn't say that. Instead, I put on my motherly hat & put on my shoes...out the door I go. Into the drizzle & gloomy weather, not to mention w/ my 3 yr. old screaming running after me as if I was leaving him forever!!!

All I can say is, Thank goodness for the new convenient store minutes up the street!! Oh, how spoiled we americans are! I was happy to find they had two of my children's favorite cereals, Cocoa Puffs & Lucky Charms. Boy, when I walked in the door they were so happy to see me& so thankful for cereal. It's the little things in life that bring us joy. It delights my heart when I see my children happy w/ their big round smiling faces. And then, one by one, all I heard was
"Thank you, Mommy! Thank you! You're the best!", they said. Even better.

It reminds me of how God must feel when we are thankful for the small things. Even when everything isn't going our way or life doesn't seem fair. We can say "Thank you". We can thank Him for just being alive, for the air we breathe, for just the simple things in life we can't live without. I am thankful for so many things. Life seems stressful & frustrating at times, but I am truly thankful for being alive in this moment. Thankful for my family & friends. We can always be thankful for something. I can even be thankful for waking up to my Hungry Children....LOL!

1Thessalonians 5:18, 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Colassians 2:6-7, 6So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, 7rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Raggedy Ann~part of my story~

First off, I just want to say, the stories of my life I share are to give hope....


Many of us are familiar w/ Raggedy Ann, but we're unfamiliar w/ the story of how she began. Did you know it all started when a little girl, Marcella, brought her daddy an old hand-made rag doll and he drew a face on it. From his bookshelf, he pulled a book of poems by James Whitcomb Riley, and combined the names of two poems, "The Raggedy Man" and "Little Orphan Annie." He said, "Why don’t we call her Raggedy Ann?" Marcella died at age 13 after being vaccinated at school for smallpox without her parents' consent. Authorities blamed a heart defect, but her parents blamed the vaccination. Gruelle became an opponent of vaccination, and the Raggedy Ann doll was used as a symbol by the anti-vaccination movement. (From Wikipedia) Interesting story, huh?

Well, we all have a story. You see, I felt like a Raggedy Ann doll at times in my life. We can All relate. We have all felt alone, ugly, empty, ignored or abandoned at some point. You know how they say 1 out of every 4 girls are sexually abused. Well, I fit the statistic. I was one of the 4. I had so many questions. It didn't make sense. I was raised in the church. Invited Jesus to live in my heart at the age of 7. Why? Why would God allow this to happen to a 7 year old girl? Then again at the age of 11? Then again at 16(date rape)? I was confused. If he Really loved me....I mean if he Really loved me...Why?

As I grew up, I tried to ignore the pain, pushing it deeper & deeper not realizing God wanted to take it away. But, because of the shame, I didn't know where to turn. Yes, I had incredible experiences in church & in prayer. Unfortunately, though, I was ignoring a sore festering inside of me. I truly can say, I felt worthless. My value was stolen from me. I truly felt like a rag doll. Just a stuffed doll...I was numb. The numbness turned into rebellion & rebellion into getting kicked out of my house.

Becoming independent at 18, I thought I had everything figured out. I was on the run. On the run from God, from my parents, from everything I loved. Then, reality set in. Life was hard...and I had been decieved. Thinking I had everything figured out?? Yeah right! Not to mention, everything I thought was true, was a lie...Counterfiet. I had somehow become disillusioned. God wasn't enough, family wasn't enough....I needed more...independence, my way was better, my friends were more important, being pretty would make me complete, having a boyfriend would make me happy....whatever!!! One day, reality set in....these things were counterfiet....lies.

I remember it as if it were yesterday. My misery turned into desperation. I fell on my knees in my little apartment & cried out to God. I am so sorry, God....please...forgive me....I am so sorry!!! In that moment, God's love filled that little room. I had never felt so much love.....this was the beginning of my healing. That day I laid my brokeness at the feet of Jesus. I didn't want to carry that pain anymore. He had carried it for me...He had made a way for me to walk in wholeness. I had experienced his presence at a young age, but I never understood how much he loved me. That those things that happened to me weren't in his plan for me. They were choices made by sinners. I was reminded, just as I had chosen to live a certain way, those people had chosen to abuse me. God had a plan for me.....he has shown me there is power in brokeness...power in forgiveness.